Love is Love!!!! Marriage Equality Wins!

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When I woke up this morning, I was rolling in personal turmoil. My life is a mess right now. I had originally intended to make this post a commentary on the notion of bisexuality being a phase (because I am SO goddamn sick of hearing it). And then it happened. Twenty minutes after I woke up this morning the SCOTUS released their ruling on marriage equality.

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What a beautifully worded statement from the Court and Justice Kennedy. For those of you who don’t follow all of these cases, Justice Kennedy has played an incredibly important role in the court this week, and acted as the swing vote for marriage equality.

My stomach has churned in recent weeks over this case. This case where the future of so many people rested in the hands of these 9 people. I’m usually extremely dissatisfied with the state of this country. This oligarchy (that’s a post for a different time). As much as I love to hear RBG go off, the thought of having to read her dissent on this case while bigots all across the country celebrated the marginalization and oppression of an entire community of Americans made me sick to my stomach.

Instead, thank goodness, I opened my Facebook to this…

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LOVE WINS!!!

I’ve spent the remainder of the day crying over news stories and photos. I’m extremely proud of my country right now. I’m proud that we are moving past the archaic and outdated ways of thinking and we are FINALLY granting everyone the allowances and rights guaranteed by marriage.

Unfortunately, there is still work to do. Some states are passing laws stating that marriages can only be officiated by members of the Clergy (making it more difficult for same-sex partners to find someone willing to marry them). In Texas, there are already clerks refusing to issue licenses to same-sex couples (because apparently the highest court in the states ain’t gon’ make them go ‘gainst Jesus, or ya’ know, do their duty as government employees). Our unity and tenacity over this issue still needs to be going strong, because it is far from over.

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As a bisexual woman (which is NOT a phase, thank you very much). The chances of me wishing to enter into a same sex union are 50/50. Right now I’m pretty much adverse to marriage, in my case, in general. But who knows what the future holds.

I know people are dying to hear my story *rolls eyes* so I figured I’d incorporate it a little bit here. I have always, as long as I can remember, been attracted to boys and girls. I never thought my attraction to women was wrong, in a way I felt as if it were a more special, more sacred type of feeling. There is no way to describe the relationship dynamics and how they differ, they’re just different. Both have led to absolute pure bliss, both have led to heartbreak. I have cried over girls just as I have over boys. Why have most of my relationships been hetero male/female? I don’t have a good answer. The relationships I’ve had with women, no one really ever knew about. I wasn’t necessarily out when they happened. I’m still not sure if I’m 100% out, I think I’m transparent and open about my sexuality, but there are still some people in my life that I haven’t sat down and said it to explicitly.  I just haven’t found it necessary.

But this isn’t about me. This is about the couples all across the country who don’t have to worry about entering a state where their marriage is unrecognized. It’s about their ability to be recognized as a spouse and next of kin as their lover lay ill in the hospital. This is about recognizing, in every state and at every level that love is love, and marriage is a government institution, and the rights of it are for all of us

Today, in the midst of all the ugliness that we see in this world everyday, love won- and that is something to celebrate!

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Hello Hello

This may seem a little all over the place. I can’t think of any other way to get this thing off the ground than to just say what’s on my mind.

We are continually asked to define ourselves. Male, female, black, white, single, married, parent, child, left, right. There are so many ways that society insists on categorizing people. How does the gender of who or number of people I sleep with influence my integrity?
The truth is, we must be continually growing and adjusting our identities to the contexts that shape them. Our identities are constructed by things that are ever evolving and we have to adapt.

So who am I?  Once upon a time I was a punk rock angst filled scene kid with a bad habit of loving horrible men. That was a decade ago and I’m happy to leave it in the past.

Then I became the party girl, always down for a good time. Memories of those days are bittersweet.  In leaving that life behind I lost touch with some of the best, most loyal people I knew. I guess my party days were different from the kind most experience. Maybe we drank a little too much and loved a little to freely, but we were honest and we had fun.

Then I became a mom and a wife. My bisexuality became taboo, as did my disdain for monogamy. I was now supposed to perform within these constructs set forth by a society whose values and morals didn’t align with my own. I finally came to terms with my lack of religious belief as I was supposed to be fulfilling a role based on the misogynistic values of faith. I needed to be the doting wife and mother. My needs weren’t a priority, nor were my views and opinions or beliefs.

This wasn’t anyone’s fault. I assumed a position without the realization of all the implications. Things I thought that could be reckoned with ended up being unbelievably divisive. Personal and private issues became overwhelming.

Now is the time for another change. A change in who I am in relation to the box I’m supposed to fit in.

I will never let my sexuality be defined by a relationship status. I am who I am. I will never again change my name. I will, however, decide my own labels.
I am a soon to be divorced bisexual 26 year old full time student, a mother to two beautiful boys, an atheist, a humanist, a liberal social activist. I’m a writer. I’m a reader. I’m a communicator. I’m assertive. I drink a lot of gin.

I don’t know exactly where that would put me. I don’t really feel concerned about it anymore. The relief here is in the fact that I am in control of it and I won’t allow anyone else to dictate it for me.

And that’s okay.

“I’m nobody. Who are you? Are you nobody, too?” -Emily Dickinson